Witty Quotes

• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
• A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad.
• Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
• There is a time and a place for everything, and it's called college.
• What the hell do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
• Dictionary: the only place marriage comes before sex anymore
• If you think education is expensive, try ignorance
• Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
• I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
• Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.