Wisecracks

• When I was a kid, asked god every night to give me a bycicle. Then I realized that god does not work that way. So I stole one and now I ask god to give me forgiveness
• No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
• Jogging for people with less inteligence to watch TV
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die